Margaret and John were one year into their relationship when Margaret realized she was pregnant. As an unexpected pregnancy herself, Margaret had always heard from the men in her family that the “automatic” male response to such news was an offer to pay for “it.”
So, when she broke the news to John, Margaret started with what she thought was an assurance: “Don’t worry–I’ll take of it.”
John, however, took the purported reassurance as Margaret not giving him a choice. His background was fraught with women who made decisions for the men in their lives without ever consulting them, including the choice to raise a child without informing the father.
Without realizing it, both partners were dealing with a lot of unresolved personal conflicts, and those personal conflicts were impacting their relationship.
A few years later, it was clear that John was still hurt by this, and so was Margaret, who didn’t understand the emotional toll this seemingly simple comment had caused.
Therapy—be it individual or couples—can serve as a lifeline to growth, healing, and improved communication, helping individuals and couples like Margaret and John.
Couples Therapy vs. Individual Therapy
Individual therapy is, by nature, a type of therapy where you, as the individual, work with your therapist. During these sessions, you might explore things related to your personal communication, childhood, lived experiences, and the like.
Couples therapy is where you and a partner meet with a therapist at the same time, and Tackle issues related to the relationship.
When to Choose Which
So when should you choose couples therapy vs. individual therapy?
- Couples who want to improve their communication and relationship dynamics are better suited for couples therapy.
- Individuals who want to tackle issues that are not directly related to their partner but might be impacting their personal life and even indirectly impacting a relationship are better suited for individual therapy.
It is important to note that if you are dealing with personal struggles that are not primarily related to your relationship, individual therapy is better, whereas relationship therapy will focus on concerns having to do with a partnership, including intimacy issues, communication problems, and conflict resolution.
Couples therapy requires that both partners are committed to it, so if one person is not ready or hesitant to participate, the other partner can still start with individual therapy.
Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy at the Same Time
Is it possible to do individual therapy and couples therapy at the same time? Yes.
But is it a good idea? Should you do individual therapy before couples therapy?
Potential Benefits
When you combine your individual therapy and couples therapy at the same time, you can reap many potential benefits, not least of which is being able to understand your contributions to any relationship problems you might have, develop personal coping mechanisms, and improve communication that can translate to your relationship dynamics.
- Self-Awareness: Individual therapy will give you a chance to increase your personal self-awareness, including what emotions, patterns, and thoughts might be impacting your daily life as well as your relationship.
- Communication: Working on your individual communication method can help you express yourself more effectively when you transition to your couples therapy sessions and throughout your relationship.
- Perspective: When you participate in individual therapy and couples therapy at the same time, you can gain a better perspective of personal ways in which you might make certain relationship issues worse, as well as your relationship dynamics and ways that you can solve those issues within your relationship.
- Personal Growth: Individual therapy offers a place for personal growth, and the ways in which you grow personally can help you contribute to a more fulfilling relationship, especially during your relationship therapy.
- Relationship Issues: When you work with both individual and couples therapy simultaneously, you can feel empowered and supported with your individual sessions, giving you the skills you need to tackle conflict or stress in your couples therapy sessions.
However, there are some possible drawbacks, and doing both at the same time may not be best for all couples.
Possible Drawbacks and Considerations
What are the possible drawbacks and considerations?
If you have a single therapist who handles both your individual and group therapy sessions at the same time, it can create issues with confidentiality and the potential for bias, especially when something shared in confidence during an individual session accidentally makes its way into a couple session.
Keeping the Two Aligned
If you decide to participate in both individual and couples therapy at the same time, it’s important that you keep these two processes aligned in your growth, without overshadowing one another.
One way to do this is to set distinct goals for your individual sessions, entirely for yourself and by yourself, while also setting shared goals for your couples therapy sessions with your partner or loved one.
Should You Do Individual Therapy Before Couples Therapy?
If you look back at the example of Margaret and John, either one of them might benefit from doing individual therapy before couples therapy.
Why?
Because in both cases, the issues that are causing the emotional destruction and poor communication between the two have to do with relative upbringings and personal experiences.
If Margaret participated in individual therapy, for example, she might come to the realization on her own that what she did seemed to discount John and his equality in parenthood.
With this information in mind, she could put herself in a position to offer an apology and perhaps find a resolution with her partner first.
The same might be said of John, who, in individual therapy, might realize that he was holding onto a lot of Anger from not just Margaret but other previous experiences having to do with his upbringing, and releasing it might help him release a lot of the discontent that permeated his relationships, especially with his partner.
There are also several reasons why it makes sense to start with individual therapy instead of couples therapy:
- Infidelity/Abuse: If, for example, there has been infidelity or abuse, the person who had an affair or was the recipient of the abuse might need individual therapy first so that they can process the impact of that trauma or experience before they transition into couples therapy.
- Control Issues: Similarly, if there are control issues in a relationship, where one partner exerts more power or control over the other, the more vulnerable partner might need individual therapy to provide a safe place for them to process their feelings without the control exerted by the other partner as might happen in couples therapy.
- Confidentiality: For several reasons, one partner might prefer the confidentiality of individual therapy over couples therapy.
It is important for couples to consider when it makes sense to start with individual therapy versus couples therapy or when it might be better to do both at the same time.
No two situations are the same, so it comes down to finding the right balance.
Couples Therapy vs Individual: Making the Right Choice
Therapy can be very flexible. Individual and couples therapy offers great opportunities for insight and exploration, but when comparing couples therapy vs. individual, you need to consider the value of combining the two when necessary. Personal healing can enhance your relationship success, so starting both at the same time might offer enhancements for personal and relationship improvement.
Consider scheduling a consultation with a qualified therapist who can advise you as to whether it’s better to begin individually or together, given your circumstances.
